Hey Guys, Did You Know That Virgin Steele are From Long Island?

Drop whatever it is you’re doing right now and watch Virgin Steele’s new video for “Perfect Mansions,” a song that was a bonus track on a reissue which has just been reissued. Seriously. (Please note that I did not know that this song was a bonus track on a reissue which has just been reissued until I read about it on Metal Underground. I do not want to get a reputation for being deeply knowledgable about Virgin Steele. In fact, calling someone “a Virgin Steele fan” should be considered fighting words.) The bad news is that the clip is nine minutes long, and the good news is that those nine minutes are uproarious. Highlights include:

• Douchebag vocalist David DeFeis holding a flaming sword in the middle of his living room. (:25 seconds in)
• The band performing in that same living room (4:53)
• The worst color correction in the history of music videos (see: the transition at the 41 second mark).
• A seagull behind DeFeis dropping dead (1:12)
• Spirit fingers (1:53)
• DeFeis tugging his shirt open twice in four seconds (2:01 – 2:05)
• The best iMovie transition ever (2:55)
• The outfit Rob from Metal Injection is going to wear to the 2012 Golden Gods Awards (4:25)
• DeFeis awkwardly running down a hill for no discernible reason (6:19)
• DeFeis awkwardly running down a hill for no discernible reason again, this time ending his jog by looking straight into the camera and singing (6:45)
• The final, profound zoom-in (8:41)
• END. FUCKING. CREDITS.