WHEN YOU’RE IN A FLEDGLING METAL BAND BUT YOU’RE A SICK AS F*CK TATTOO ARTIST

From Craigslist Boston:

metal band seeks manager/promoter. (Nashua NH.)

Hello and thanks for the interest. i will try to keep this brief. I currently reside in three bands at this time. all three are in need of heavy promotion. i am not paying cash to have this done. i will be paying in international award winning tattoo ink. i am a professional tattooist/illustrator of 18 years. i run a very successful tattoo shop in downtown Nashua Nh called the TaTToomB. . for every public acknowledgement of the bands material, you will receive 50 to 100 dollars in tattooing. let me break this down. if we receive a good review from a respected source, and it is due to your efforts towards the bands publicity, you will receive one half hour in my chair. a 50.00 dollar value. you would earn this by mailing our c.d.’s out and doing online promotions for us. reviews will add up quickly and you will have a lot of tattoo time acquired. interviews with the band will pay more. label interest will pay you more. mainly we seek a good promoter. visit www.thetattoomb.com for samples of my work. this is a barter/trade service. between me and you. the rest of the band owes nothing. if you are looking for top quality safe and sterile tattoo work, you cant do better then this. e-mail if interested. my efforts will meet yours. thanks.

This ad pretty much makes fun of itself, but please note well:

• thanks for doing us a favor by keeping things “brief”
• international award-winning
• 18 years experience = being in a band is for losers, scientific proof
• “downtown” Nashua! this guy’s legit.

So… someone owes me $50 of tattoo time, nahmean?

-VN