OUR SOCIETY IS DOOMED

Recently, the people who all get together and decide who should win a Nobel Peace Prize came to the conclusion that they hadn’t done anything really, really wacky since 1994, when they awarded their prestigious honor to  infamous bowling alley investor Yasser Arafat. And so, after some great debate about what would really be the most fucknuts thing they could possibly do, they hired Evanescence to play their ceremony in Norway this Sunday.

Allow me to repeat that, because I didn’t believe it at first, either.

Evanescence are going to play the Nobel Peace Prize concert in Norway this Sunday.

Now, assuming you are of sound mind, you first thought was probably something along the lines of “Huh?!?!” Because, uh… WHY? Why the fuck are Evanescence playing the Nobel Peace Prize concert? Is suburban Goth culture somehow exemplary of goodwill towards one’s fellow man? Did the organization feel like they needed a younger, hipper image? Have the ratings been low the last few ceremonies? Was there something about the lyrics to “My Immortal” that struck them as being particularly appropriate to the Nobel Peace Prize? WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS BAND HAVE TO DO WITH FUCKING ANYTHING?!?!

I need to go lie down for awhile. I can’t even… I can’t even… I just can’t…

-AR