DANKO JONES TO OPEN FOR LOUTALLICA ON UPCOMING LULU TOUR

No I’m totally kidding. I don’t even know if there is gonna be any touring or live performances in support of Lulu; at this point, I think it’s safe to assume there will not be, since the amount of security guards it would take to protect the musicians from the “fans” would probably be greater than the number of people who would actually pay to see Loutallica perform that crap. (Although if they included free rotten eggs to throw at the band with every ticket purchase, I would happily shell out some cash to attend.)

And even if there was a tour, Danko Jones most certainly would not be the opener — ’cause over the weekend, the singer/guitarist took to his Twitter account and likened Lulu to some of cinema’s great financial and creative disasters, including Ishtar, Waterworld, and Battlefield Earth. And, oh yeah, then he tweeted the below:

So yeah I think it’s safe to say that we won’t be seeing Danko Jones on a Metallica bill anytime soon.

But wait! The story gets even funnier.

See, as you may be aware from some of the comments left on this site by non-regular readers, a LOT of metal fans have absolutely no sense of humor whatsoever. These very dour chums also tend to be, well, unintelligent — I have yet to see a humorless metal fan provide an articulate retort to an insult lobbed at his favorite band. So, of course, Danko Jones is now under fire from some Metallica fans, who providing witticisms such as the following:

Because we all know that sales are an indication of quality, right? That’s how we know that Ke$ha is more talented than Converge… right?

Fuck, man, I’m not even a Danko Jones fan, but I wanna give the dude a high-five right now. Follow him on Twitter to see more idiotic responses from knuckle-dragging Metallica fans.

-AR

[via Metal Insider]