BRET MICHAELS MAKES PET PRODUCTS NOW

Some will say that it’s hypocritical of me to make fun of Bret Michaels for launching Pets Rock, a line of “rock and roll pet gear” that will be sold exclusively at Pet Smart stores starting next summer, even though I love Ben Weinman’s Garmutt apparel for dogs. But I assert that there are three key differences between the two companies, besides the fact that, y’know, Weinman is brilliant and Michaels is not so much brilliant. And those differences are as follows:

1. Like I said, Michaels’ products will be sold exclusively at Pet Smart; Garmutt only sells to “independent brick-and-mortar retailers… [not] big-box pet chains.” Point: Garmutt.
2. The name “Garmutt” is witty. The name “Pets Rock” clearly took all of two seconds for some schmoe to think up. I haven’t seen the Pets Rock products yet, but I’d wager we’ll be able to say the same about those items, too; Garmutt is famous for their “Master of Puppies” dog hoodies, but I bet the best thing Michaels’ team will come up will be something about cats and pussies. Point: Garmutt.
3. Weinman is a known animal lover who has done work for PETA. Michaels, meanwhile, has been mercilessly slaughtering golden retriever puppies for years in order to continue manufacturing his wigs. Dude wasn’t even nice to the dogs he slept with on Rock of Love. Point: Garmutt.

I defy you to argue against my logic. It simply cannot be done.

-AR

[via Noisecreep]