STEEL PANTHER: CROSSFIRING! TRACK LISTING! SHOW-STEALING! NEW RELEASE DATE!

If the memory of a Steel Panther super-fan’s Labor Day weekend could be screened like a movie, viewers would see blurry and jumpy frames depicting 72 hours of falling off stuff, packing stuff into mouths/noses, cheering the topless, cock-blocking the beta beardos, debating police, barfing, dodging streams of barf, and rebounding from tragic drug spills. Oh and I bet there’d be plenty of ballz: your ballz, my ballz, fire ballz, 8 ballz, hair ballz, Nepalese Temple ballz, malted milk ballz, etc. But now, let’s get caught up on some exciting heavy metal ballz, Steel Panther’s forthcoming album Balls Out!

• The band announced their opening slot on a short UK tour headlined by Def Leppard with Motley Crue. This is a win-win-win situation: As habitual show-stealers, Steel Panther will go full bonerz (that’s one win); the second and third wins arrive when Def Lep and Crue have to go double full bonerz to even be noticed inside fans’ stretched-out holes. Sorry that analogy is so filthy, but you’ll thank me next time it reminds you to arrive at a gangbang ahead of the black guys.

• Steel Panther appears in a new clip (from two Fridays ago) by the internet’s Freddie Wong. Together, they pay tribute to the Crossfire board game’s iconic TV ad from the ’90s. Watch the Panther version (above) for major ballz and to giggle at some killer moves, a classic drummer joke, and gosh about four dozen occurrences of the phrase Cross-fie-yer / You’ll get caught up in the Cross-fie-yer.    [Thanks: Ryan Badami]

• The sad news is that Balls Out‘s release date was just pushed back to Cocktober 31, but to keep you horny producer Jay Ruston internetted a pic of his mastered copy of the album on Friday. Hot off the presses, it lists thirteen jamz (plus intro penciled in by me) as follows:

1. In The Future (f/Dane Cook)
2. Supersonic Sex Machine
3. Just Like Tiger Woods
4. 17 Girls In A Row
5. If You Really Really Love Me
6. It Won’t Suck Itself
7. Tomorrow Night
8. Why Can’t You Trust Me
9. That’s What Girls Are For
10. Gold-Digging Whore
11. I Like Drugs
12. Critter
13. Let Me Cum In
14. Weenie Ride

-ADF

Balls Out! now is slated to cum out Rocktober 31 on Universal/Republic. To pre-order, go shop at that big online retailer cuz I guess major labels don’t put much effort into securing your advance commitment to purchase an album. I mean, doing that wouldn’t accomplish or prevent anything right? Pssht let Amazon deal with it.