DIMEBAG RISES FROM GRAVE, PUNISHES GODSMACK FAN

Art by Mike Capprotti

HOLY SHIT, YOU GUYS. DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS?!?!?

I always thought that Jesus was made-up, like Luke Skywalker, or evolution, but after reading this, I am getting my ass to a church to start some serious effing repenting.

The Gazette says that this weekend at a Godsmack show in Dubuque, Iowa, FUCKING DIMEBAG showed up and gave some poor Godsmack fan a lesson in manners by ripping out the motherfucker’s tracheotomy tube. HOLY CRAP THAT IS AWESOME.

Brad Kluesner says he was minding his own business in the front row at the concert. That’s when he says a stranger to him, Darrell Abbott, started bothering him.

“He was trying to get past us, he was just kind of pushing,” Kluesner said. “I was like ‘you’re not going to get past me, go around,’ whatever.”

That’s when police say Abbott grabbed Kluesner. Kluesner admits he fought back and punched Abbott.

Bouncers separated the two, but a few minutes later, Abbott came back.

“The next thing I know I felt fingers on the back of my head and I turned around as he’s grabbing my collar and the back of my necklace for my trache (tracheotomy tube),” Kluesner said.

Kluesner says his trache is attached to that necklace and is covered by his goatee, making it hard to see.

“I guarantee you he had no clue that I had (a trache),” Kluesner said.

I can’t believe this dude wouldn’t just let Dime up near the front. He came all the way back from the dead just to see Godsmack. THAT IS FUCKING DIME, YOU GET THE FUCK OUT THE MAN’S WAY.

And now they’re charging Dime with a crime? HA! Good luck keeping him in prison. HE ROSE FROM THE DEAD, ASSHOLES. Your jail cells ain’t holdin’ shit.

-DN

[via Metal Injection]