SATURDAY SONG TO NOT GET STONED TO: CARTOON ALL-STARS

Let’s face it; like Michael right here, you’ve probably “gotta’ get off these drugs” and who better to help you than every major cartoon character from the ’80s?

In 1990 the programming powers that be had the bright idea to create an animated, public-service musical entitled Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue to spread awareness about the uncoolness of Mary Jane. This special, funded by McDonalds, aired on the three major American television networks and received critical acclaim from an unintentional cult fanbase of well-meaning stoners.

The preachy, half-hour trip reaches a head within the surreal two-minute sing-along that closes this nightmare; amidst the nails-on-an-eardrum croons of those three color-coordinated duck fucks (seriously, Chad Kroeger is starting to sound pretty good right now) Garfield drops a piece of wisdom that rings especially true:

A good excuse is something you never outgrow

Ain’t that right Afroman?

Amazingly, though, the shit that goes down in this flick is probably more unsettling than whatever talking foods or flying toasters you saw during your last bad trip. Baby Ms. Piggy isn’t your friend! She doesn’t know you!

But oddly enough, this song might not even be the most amusing thing about the movie. Hearing the nerdy, blue chipmunk awkwardly say “Marijuana” at the beginning takes the cake. Here it is slowed down!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaKmMcp3Qp0

So next time MetalSucks tries to bully you into smoking sumthin’ you ain’t so keen on, make sure you say no! (There are a million wonderful ways to say it…) Send all your excuses to Axl; I’m sure he’ll appreciate it.

-Shanbomb