PHIL VARONE MAKES PORN NOW

Phil Varone was the original drummer in Saigon Kick and the not-original drummer in Skid Row, and he was on VH1’s Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew. But either the treatment wasn’t very effective, or I don’t understand what the show is actually about, because now Varone has a launched a porn site, Phil Varone’s Secret Sex Stash (it should go without saying that the site is NSFW).

The gimmick of this particular porn site — because all porn sites must have a gimmick, lest men be forced to jerk off to a plot-free video of people fucking — is that all the women are allegedly groupies that Varone has shutpped during his tenure as a C-list celebrity. (Varone claims to have slept with 3,000 women, which I guess explains why he hasn’t recorded a decent album in twenty years — dude has been busy with other projects!) So if you’ve ever had a fantasy about being with a girl who wanted to bang you for the sole reason that you are a replacement member in a band that was famous in 1992, this is the site for you! Kerri Kelli is jealous he didn’t think of it first.

Of course, Varone isn’t the first metal d00d to get into the world of porn — there’s Evan Seinfeld, of course, and Dead to Fall’s Chad Fjerstad, to say nothing of leaked sex tapes starring Tommy Lee, Bret Michaels, and Fred Durst (although not all three of them together… now that would sell a bajillion copies). And, clearly, it’s a smart career move. The music industry is dying because of people illegally downloading music on the net, but, as we all know, getting free pornography online is damn near impossible. So finding people willing to pay $240 a year to watch a guy who SWEARS ON HIS MOTHER’S LIFE that he’s a rockstar nail “groupies” should be no problem.

-AR

[via Noisecreep]