DEVIN TOWNSEND IS SELLING HIS OLD SPATULA ON EBAY

In an apparent effort to weed out his most King of Comedy-fucknuts fan (Hey, it’s actually not me!), Devin Townsend is selling his old spatula on eBay.

As of this writing, bidding on this most prized of kitchen utensils is up to a hundred bucks. That’s a hundred bucks for a used, burned spatula. About ninety-five dollars more than anyone would ever pay for a new spatula. Just because Devin Townsend, like, touched it.

Presumably, the name and address of whomever wins this auction will be turned over to the authorities, so that they can be monitored as potential members of the Mark David Chapman Club.

I mean, this has to be a trap. I just can’t see it any other way. It’s a used spatula.

A used.

Spatula.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Moving on.

Devin Townsend’s awesome new albums, Ghost and Deconstruction, come out June 20 on InsideOut Music. Then Heavy Devy will spend his summer touring with Children of Bodom, Obscura, and Septicflesh. Dates for the kitchenware-free tour are here.

-AR

[via The Deciblog]