WARRANT’S “LIFE’S A SONG” VIDEO ACTUALLY MAKES ME MISS FAT ALCOHOLIC JANI LANE

For all the shit we give hair metal bands we once admired around here, not all of them have aged so terribly. Sometimes they even surprise you and release something terrific. Last year, Ratt’s Infestation knocked us on our asses; just recently, Whitesnake caught us off-guard when their new album, Forevermore, actually turned out to be a whole lotta fun. (Extreme’s 2009 release, Saudades de Rock, was also quite good, although they’re not really hair metal.) My point just being that you have listen to these albums with an open mind, because sometimes these bands really pull their shit together and remind you why you ever liked them to begin with.

And sometimes they turn into Warrant.

The band’s new album, Rockaholic, comes out next month, and now they’ve released a video, “Life’s a Song,” to promote it. And the song totally fucking boring, the video so cheesy that Dino Cazares tried to eat it, drummer Steven Sweet apparently invented a time machine, went back in time to the 70s, doped a woman, shaved her bush, and used it as a wig, and — perhaps worst of all — the band has the cojones to use lots and lots of vintage footage — “Hey, remember when you loved us? YOU FUCKING LOVED US!!!” — despite the fact that Jani Lane, their most recognizable member, is no longer in the fold. (And this new dude, Robert Mason, is no Jani Lane. I mean he sounds like he can sing, but his vocals have as much personality as the name “Bob Mason” would suggest.) I think I even saw an old still featuring Jani in there, although my eyes may be playing tricks on me. What a load of crap.

Rockaholic comes out May 17 on Frontiers Records. It features a song called “Sex Ain’t Love,” so I guess we really are a long way away from “Cherry Pie.”

-AR