TOMMY LEE TO DISRESPECT FOREIGN CULTURES FOR REALITY TELEVISION

Did anyone watch Tommy Lee Goes to College when it was on? I didn’t. Yeah, it might have been funny to see the Motley Crue drummer — who I sincerely believe is at least a little bit retarded, in the truest sense of the word — fumble through college and possibly spread hepatitis and chlamydia amongst an entire sorority house. But the premise ultimately wasn’t intriguing enough to get me to tune in. And, honestly, if I was a student (or the parent of a student) at that school and I found out they were letting some dingleberry rock star and a television crew wander around and disrupt shit, I’d probably be pretty pissed.

Now Mr. Lee is getting ready to fuck shit up not just for college students, but for entire cultures. Says Bring Back Glam!:

“Tommy is working on a new reality show for the Syfy Network. It will be called Culture Shock with Tommy Lee – and he’ll be uncovering various rituals, symbols, and other mysteries of secret societies.”

“Secret societies” suggests that Tommy is going to become a Freemason or something, but the title (and that fact that the program is described as a “travel show”) suggests that he’ll actually be going after lesser-known communities in generally-un-televised foreign lands. So unless this ends with hundreds of dudes with spears chasing Tommy back to his plane, Raiders of the Lost Ark-style, this strikes me as a terrible idea. As far as I can tell, the best case scenario here is that Tommy embarrasses himself on television and we all laugh, while not realizing that the walking STD has just accidentally committed us to another war. In other words, when my Hebrew school teacher called Motley Crue “the death of culture” when I was a kid, she may have very well be right.

I’m hoping Tommy won’t film this until after The Crue’s upcoming tour with Poison and New York Dolls, ’cause it would be kind of a shame if he were flayed to death or eaten or whatever before that trek went down. Unless the natives are just gonna cut his tongue out so he can’t scream “YEAH BOY!” into his mic anymore. That would actually be alright with me.

-AR