CINEMETAL: NUDE NUNS EDITION

I have recently come across not one but two black metal videos which feature nuns and nudity. Clearly, this is an important artistic trend in our culture which simply cannot be ignored. We must watch these videos, probably multiple times and certainly in a private setting where we will not be distracted or disturbed, to ensure that we have analyzed their content to the greatest extent possible, and fully grasp their meanings.

(Needless to say, these videos are NSFW.)

First up we have “Tak, Kurwa (Yes, Bitch)” by Semargl. And I guess I lied when I said that both of these bands play black metal, ’cause even though Semargl wear corpse paint and their vocalist’s style might best be described as “croaking,” they actually sound like Sonic Syndicate. Luckily, someone at their label realized that if they stuck some boobies and a softcore lesbian orgy (the hyper-realistic kind where girls get off just by kinda dancing around and occasionally grazing one another) in the video, we’d all watch it anyway. Sound marketing plan, fellas!

Next up is “Stormgod” by New York’s own Imperial Triumphant. I haven’t seen this band live or even heard any of their others songs besides this one or anything, but their new EP, Obeisance, was produced by Colin Marston, so it’s probably at least worth a listen. And their clip is, in every imaginable way, superior to Semenargl’s — the music is better, the direction (by Jorge Torres-Torres) is better, and the girl doesn’t look like a Vegas hooker. They might even have some bullshit “artistic” explanation for why there are boobies in the video, because they’re not just standing in front of a white background and some actual thought and effort was put into the video.

-AR