MOTLEY CRUE VS. POISON: LET THE DRAMA BEGIN!!!

Bret and Nikki in happier times

Clearly, Motley Crue (or, at least, Nikki Sixx) do not wanna do this tour with Poison. Nikki has been quoted as far back as 2004 as having said that The Crue “would ever, ever tour with a fucking band like Poison,” who he called “fake bullshit.” Even though both bands wore make-up and got by on their image as much as their music, Motley seem to think they’re better than Poison. And there’s a strong argument to be made that they’re correct — they were around when the Poison dudes were still living in Pennsylvania, and their music, although certainly dated, definitely holds up better.

But the fact is, they’re doing this tour with Poison, and now’s the time for them to man up and stop firing shots over the bow. Right?

Wrong.

See, when CNN’s website for Piers Morgan Tonight broke the story (via an interview with Bret Michaels) that the rumored tour was a go, they also ran a press release which distinctly says that the two bands will “co-headline.” But not so, according to Motley Crue’s Facebook page:

Now, everyone knows that all co-headlining tours have one true headliner. When Guns N’ Roses toured with Metallica in 1992, GN’R went on last every night, because, at the time, they were the higher-selling band; when Marilyn Manson co-headlined with Slayer a few years ago, Slayer went on first, presumably for similar reasons. But no one says “the real headliner is…” out of respect. Everyone is in this for the same reasons — to make the fans happy and put some coin in their purse — so why rock the boat?

But the Motley Crue dudes just can’t seem to shake this chip from their shoulder. They refuse to admit that, at this point in their career, a tour with Poison is what the fans want, and will be a big deal for all parties involved. (Whomever cast New York Dolls as the openers deserves a pat on the back, too.) Regardless of what Nikki, or any other members of The Crue, think, the world does not perceive them as being artistically or aesthetically superior to Poison. They’re both glam bands, they’re both from the same geographical location, they’re both from the same era, they’re both past their prime, and they are both, at this point, more famous for their antics and reality television appearances than they are for their music.

But pride is a funny thing.

I suspect the tour will move forward, but I also suspect that we’ll be getting entertainment out of this drama for the duration. Even if Bret can keep his yap shut and let The Crue’s (barely) passive-aggressive hostility slide, there are three other dudes in Poison, and, sooner or later, someone is going to fire back at Nikki and Motley. Oh, how I cannot wait until that happens!!!

-AR

Thanks to everyone who e-mailed us about this.