FRANK SINATRA MAKES MOST METAL MUSICIANS LOOK LIKE PUSSIES

So there are a lot of things that differentiate Frank Sinatra from most modern metal musicians, but I’d like to concentrate on two:

• He could actually sing.
• He was an honest-to-goodness, not-to-be-fucked-with badass.

And so it makes no sense to me that, according to Noisecreep, “members of Anthrax, Twisted Sister, Deep Purple, Queensryche, Warrant and other groups have recorded their own metallic versions of some of Sinatra’s standards and classics for an album called SIN-atra.”

So, first of all, was it really necessary to capitalize the word “Sin” AND hyphenate it from “atra?” I know metal fans aren’t the crispiest bread in the toaster, but I think everyone would have gotten the pun okay if they’d just chose one way of emphasizing the pun.

Second of all, if Sinatra were still alive, I’d put money on him being able to kick the asses of all the musicians involved in the making of this album at the same time. And they’d fuck their wives, sisters, and daughters, just for good measure. Well, maybe not the uggos. He was Frank Sinatra, fer cryin’ out loud.

Actually, scratch that — if someone sets up Sinatra’s Corpse versus Any Member of Warrant, I’ve got a fifty on Sinatra’s Corpse, and I’ll give you good odds. Weekend at Bernie’s II that shit and see if I’m wrong.

And if any of these dudes came up with anything as memorable as Sid Vicious’ cover of “My Way,” I will eat a piece of my own poo.

-AR