THIS IS HAPPENING. TYLER-ERA AMERICAN IDOL PREMIERES TONIGHT.
I’m not a masochist and therefore I have never endured more than a moment or two of American Idol schlock. My first experience with the show involved an army cowboy yodeling his way through “I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thang” and yee-haw that shit was enough AI for a lifetime. But things have changed here in 2011 with the addition of Aerosmith lip-flapper Steven Tyler. He’s batshit. He’s a tweaker. He’s the most talented, versatile, lovable American rocker in history. I will be watching that shit!
But will Aero-ican Idol work? The presumption is that Idol producers wanted to sexy up the show’s image for its tenth season by hiring Tyler and rancid bitchlord Jennifer Lopez. And right on, cuz Idol’s nauseous Up-With-Mediocrity vibe needs to be stained by tales of drug/vag abuse (Tyler) and assistant assault (Lopez). But were Idol chiefs expecting this much R-rated Tyler gab in just the run-up to tonight’s season premiere? Tyler to Howard Stern on Tuesday:
[In August 2009] I was using and fell off the stage. I was snorting fuckin’ Lunesta. I got 19 stitches, broke my shoulder. No one in the band called me for 27 weeks. It about killed me. I’m Italian so it almost took me down. Joe didn’t come visit me.
And to David Letterman on Monday night:
30 years ago, [I was] doing Nepalese temple balls and snorting the finest of cocaines. A couple years ago, I was doing Lunesta because I had problems with my feet… I was looking for any excuse to get high.
Jeez, what’s Tyler saving for sweeps? A lengthy, meth-fueled rap about how back in 1975 he purchased of a 14-year old girl to be his personal fuckrag/drug mule? That would add some zip to a moribund TV talent show! Alas, if the masses can’t handle the asses, Tyler says that his tenure might be only one year, which provides a note of consolation to the portion of Idol’s viewership that’s averse to a leathery androgynoid’s tales of wild boffing. I, however, say bring the shit on!
Amid all this TylerTalk, and the passing mention of Joe Perry, one could forget about uh Aerosmith, this rock band that people like. So it’s Billboard to the rescue with some quality Aerosmith intel teased from Tyler on Tuesday:
We’ve certainly been writing. I know Joe’s got some licks, and I got a bunch of songs that I’ve written for solo and/or Aerosmith. I will be flying out of New York tomorrow night and be back in L.A. and watch the premiere Wednesday night. I get Thursday off, and Friday I’m writing with Marti Frederiksen, and Saturday we’re into a writing program with the band. We’re already booked for a tour for November-December, that should be South America and Japan, so what you hear in the press of Aerosmith getting in the way of American Idol, it just isn’t so.
Sorry what? “Aerosmith getting in the way of American Idol?” Yeah, I’m sure some Aerosmith fans will spend an concert’s encore tapping their wristwatches and mouthing the words “Nine a.m. call time, Steven.”
-ADF
American Idol‘s tenth season premieres on Fox tonight at 8PM.
