F*CK, MARRY, KILL: HOT METAL D00DZ EDITION
Yesterday, Sergeant D. posted a Metal Edition of the classic parlor game Marry, Fuck, or Kill, and you guys responded, uh, enthusiastically, surprising no one. And because we’re equal opportunity offenders — don’t forget that this is the site which posts leaked naked pictures of women and men alike — we decided that today we should post a metal d00dz edition.
So we sat down with the Mansion’s resident feminist, Leyla Ford, and presented her with some hot metal d00dz for a new game of MFK. Check out the results after the jump…
STINKY BEARDED DUDES
Zakk Wylde, Kerry King, Brent Hinds
Fuck Zakk Wylde. I think that’s about as long as I could stand being around him.
Marry Brent Hinds, because with our combined genes, our children would have stupidly awesome hair.
Kill Kerry King, because he scares me, and life teaches us to destroy what we do not understand.
VAN HALEN VOCALISTS
David Lee Roth, Sammy Hagar, Gary Cherone
Fuck David Lee Roth, because duh. I’m only human. And female.
Marry Sammy Hagar, because I like tequila.
Kill Gary Cherone because, well, sorry, Gary.
HUGGABLE BEARS
Gene Hoglan, Billy Milano, Dino Cazares
Well, seeing as I’m not a big lady, I’d be crushed to death by any of them. So good luck to me, and I hope Billy Milano can support his weight, because he’s my pick for Fuck.
Marry Gene Hoglan, because he drums fast and I feel that would keep me entertained for the duration of a marriage.
Kill Dino Cazares. Sorry, I don’t like Fear Factory enough to play imaginary groupie.
TATTOOED HOTTIES
Olli Sykes, Mitch Lucker, Trace Cyrus
Fuck Olli Sykes. I can’t believe I actually typed that out. I want to peel my skin off. But there’s no way I’d touch a Cyrus.
Marry Mitch Lucker, as he seems the least of the three evils.
Kill Trace Cyrus. Kill it so there aren’t any more spawns.
ANGRY ASSHOLES
Vince Neil, Axl Rose, Sebastian Bach
Fuck Sebastian Bach, because I can still picture him looking like he did in the 80s.
Marry Axl Rose, because he’s such a hermit I probably would never see him.
Kill Vince Neil… FOR RAZZLE.
Ladies! My boyfriend threw in these options. Although, I don’t think he gets the concept of “themes,” because these three have possibly nothing in common.
HYPOTHETICAL LESBIAN EDITION
Dr. Mikannibal, Doro Pesch, Tarja Turunen
Now, since we’re being hypothetical, I’m gonna go ahead and give my picks, because, hypothetically, I could be into women.
Fuck the good doctor.
Marry Doro.
Kill Tarja.
It’s kinda sad how little I had to think about that one.
-LF
