DEAD BY APRIL: A BAND SO TERRIBLE I HAD COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THEM

I sat down this morning to watch whatever music videos were released since we shut down for the night, and the first one I came across was “Stronger” by Dead by April. The name sounded vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t really remember the band, so I hit “play.”

And it’s fucking awful. And now I want to know if I know this band or what, and so I used our search function — yes, unlike our readers, I know how to take five seconds to search for a band and see if we’ve written about them before — and, sure enough, not only have I panned Dead by April before, but I more or less vowed never to listen to them again.

And that’s how terrible Dead by April are: I couldn’t even remember them, or how much I hated them the first time, because they’re not even bad in a memorable way. In another year they’ll probably release another video, and like a schmuck, I’ll sit down to watch it, completely forgetting that I’ve now listened to them, and hated them, twice. And five years from now, some publicist or label rep will ask me to check out their new album, and I’ll agree, having, for a third time now, completely forgotten about them. And then at some point they’ll break-up, and all the members will grow old and die, as humans are wont to do, and they will still have made absolutely no impact on me, this planet, or its other inhabitants.

But at least then, I won’t keep accidentally listening to their shitty, shitty music.

-AR