CINEMETAL ROUND-UP: NEW VIDEOS FROM TANKARD AND REV THEORY

I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

First up “Rules for Fools,” from Tankard. This band is German, so, of course, they made a video about disciplinary action that attempts to be funny but is actually anything but. Was this filmed and edited entirely on an iPhone? Why is a beer loving metal band in a class with little kids? And why is that class being taught by Ramona Flowers? What the fuck is wrong with German people???

Next up is “Justice,” from Rev Theory. Rev Theory are a horrible, terrible, awful, abhorrent, abominable, dreadful, hideous, execrable, heinous, detestable band who take themselves way too seriously. So, of course, the video is just a poorly-edited montage of the most obvious clips demonstrating the irony of the song’s title. They could have just made their point by showing Rev Theory continue to have a career, but, no, we get this instead.

Luckily, some rocket scientist who doesn’t understand the most basic concepts of promotion decided to leave all the audio from those clips in the video, so that you can’t even really hear the song, which, I assure you, is the aural equivalent of a piece of shit made from shit that some poor dude ate out of a dog’s asshole.

But other than that, I don’t really have anything negative to say about this video.

Increasingly, I feel like the lessons of these clips are, “Don’t make a video just because you can.” There’s absolutely no reason that these videos have to be so unbearable — it’s just that absolutely no thought whatsoever is being put into their creation. I’ve seen better directing in gonzo porn.

-AR