A “MIDDLE FINGER UP” FOR BLUE FELIX, MY NEW LEAST FAVORITE BAND

I’d never heard of Blue Felix before a couple of days ago; I’d wager almost no one had heard of ’em. But Slipknot’s Sid Wilson appears in their new video, for the song “Middle Finger Up,” so suddenly they were on every metal site in the webernetosphere.

When the song started, I was like, “Oh, okay. So they make Misfits-tinged hard rock and wear ridiculous outfits. They’re the Murderdolls. Got it. That’s not the end of the world.”

And then the dude started singing.

And then the dude started rapping.

And then I closed my laptop and used it to beat ten MetalSucks Mansion Monkeys to death. And, no, I don’t care what Vince says, I will not clean up the carrions.

Are you happy, Blue Felix? The blood of those poor simians is on your hands. I demand that you break-up immediately to repent. Better have the singer’s vocal chords surgically removed, too, y’know, just to be safe and ensure that he can never harm anyone ever again.

Also, note to dudes from Slipknot: Please stop making it so hard for me to defend Slipknot. Really, I didn’t mind in 2004, but I just don’t have the energy for this shit anymore.

-AR