EMMURE FRONT MAN LAUNCHES LABEL, SIGNS TERRIBLE BAND

According to Lambgoat, Emmure’s Frankie Palmeri is starting his own record label. I was hoping it would be called “Raptor Jesus Records,” but it’s actually gonna be called “False Prophet Records,” which is close enough, I guess.

Palmeri’s fist sign is a band called Monsters (There really wasn’t already a metal band called Monsters?), their moniker apparently referring to the way they terrorize good taste. Look at this photo of the band:

So it’s like deathcore took a field trip to Stone Henge or something. ‘Cept I dunno what those symbols on their jackets mean. It looks like the dude on the far left has an egg beater on his chest, and the guy on the far right is either rocking a jellyfish or a shower faucet, and the guy in the middle is definitely sporting some kind of tool… so, like, are these fellas gonna come over and make me a cake and do some plumbing work for me? I actually am currently in need of a good plumber, so that would be cool.

ANYWAY, it sounds to me like this band’s highest artistic aspiration is to be Bury Your Dead. So I look forward to never giving their False Prophets debut a fair listen. Because life. Is just. Too fucking short.

-AR