CINEMETAL ROUND-UP: NEW VIDEOS FROM A BUNCH OF BANDS I’VE NEVER HEARD OF BEFORE

Let’s make this quick. I have an appointment with a bowl of chicken soup.

First up we have  “Grapes of Wrath,” by Ravage. On the one hand, it’s hard for me not to support a band that satirizes Fox News; on the other hand, it’s hard for me to support a band whose singer calls himself “Al Ravage.” Dude — if you’re gonna use a fake name, why not choose a cool fake name?

Also, if any of the members of this band have read and/or can tell me who wrote The Grapes of Wrath without looking it up on the internet, I’ll give ’em a shiny nickel.

Now we have “Gryning” from Fejd. It’s like I wandered into a constipated virgins’ convention. Maybe they should have called the band “Mejd” and the song “Frauning.” Sheesh.

Next up is “The End of All There Is” by Dominanz. I assume that’s pronounced “dominance?” Did the band think they were being cool, or are they just really dumb? In any case, if you’ve ever wondered what it might sound like if Marilyn Manson and Dimmu Borgir fucked, then this is the band for you.

Finally, we have “Set it Loose” from Psy:code. It takes almost two minutes for any actual music to kick in, and when that music does finally start, the only thing it will set loose is your desire to take a nap. WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CHICKEN SOUP, BITCH?!?

-AR