UNNECESSARY ROUGHNESS: THE RED CHORD’S GREG WEEKS AIN’T NO LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR NO-SLEEVE AMERICAN FLAG T-SHIRT WEARING MORON

Well, it’s Sunday again: Time for nachos, football and terrible beer and car ads. One ad in particular that caught my attention this week opens with a young red coat running through the forest, who rushes to his pals who are awaiting the oncoming Yanks during the Revolutionary War. They seem confident in their numbers and abilities as the Union Jack sways in the wind, when out of nowhere George Fucking Washington comes blasting at them in the new Dodge Challenger complete with an American flag. WOO-HOO!!! Holy shit, Britain, look out!!! He must have built a god damned time machine and decided to forgo the WMD’s and use scare tactics instead. This ain’t no horse and buggy, you English bastards!!!

The best part is when Dexter, who does the voice-over, announces “Here are a couple of things America got right: cars and freedom.” I actually laughed at this point in the ad. Apparently Dodge thinks that all football fans are lowest common denominator no-sleeve American flag t-shirt wearing morons. I mean, I’m sure some of us are, but come on.

They also had a great Super Bowl ad that had dudes giving excuses why they deserve the new Charger. Most of them had to do with things they do for their wife they don’t want to do but are too afraid to tell her. So, if you’re a Toby Keith fan or a dude who’s a complete bitch, then these cars are for you. I love that ad!!! And not to rip on Dodge, I owned a Ram 50 and currently drive an ’87 Omni. It rules! It’s basically a street legal go-cart.

Aside from the awesome ads, there was also some awesome football. Those who watched either overtime game – BAL at NE or MIA at GB – were in for a treat: Both games were nail biters, and both ended with a 20-23 score.

Looks like Miami did the right thing by firing special teams coach John Bonamego during their bye week. The AFC South leaders beat out the AFC West leaders in the Houston-KC match up. But the game was bitter sweet for linebacker DeMeco Ryans, who tore his Achilles tendon before the half. He will be out for the duration of the season due to the injury.

My father tore his Achilles when I was 11 or 12. He would spend his weekends pulling up a lawn chair, watching me mow the lawn correctly with this rickety mower which had no blade safety blocker thing so my toes were always in danger of being cut off. If Ryans has any sons, I’m sure they don’t have to mow the lawn, let alone under the watchful chair-ridden eye of their father. Lucky jerks.

-GW

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Photo credit: Chris Fulcher