THERE’S A HALF-NAKED SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL ON THE COVER OF REVOLVER

So Revolver is getting ready to unveil their annual “The Hottest Chicks in Metal” issue, only I guess it’s “The Hottest Chicks in Hard Rock” now, ’cause, uh, use your imagination. But this year’s cover girl isn’t Cristina Scabbia or Maria Brink or Marta or Grace Perry or whomever is playing keyboards for Winds of Plague this week or one of those chicks from Eyes Set to Kill or any of the other obvious choices.

Nope, it’s Taylor Momsen, seventeen year old lead vocalist for The Pretty Reckless. She’s also been in some movies, like, uh, How the Grinch Stole Christmas and Spy Kids 2. Here’s the cover photo, without all the writing n’ stuff on it, courtesy this porny celebrity gossip site:

I’d never heard The Pretty Reckless before, so I decided to check out some of their music in order to figure out if I needed to feel guilty about this just because it meant I was getting turned on by a teenage girl dressed like a prostitute in the window of Amersterdam’s Red Light District, or because her music sucks, too.

And it turns out her music sucks, too.

So, yeah, this is pretty ridiculous. I hate to ridicule Revolver, because I know of lot of good people work there. And I know that the fact that magazine isn’t strictly “metal” anymore isn’t exactly news — I can remember the exact issue when I thought, “Well, this was fun while it lasted.” (AFI were on the cover.) And I have little doubt that this will be Revolver‘s highest selling issue of the year, if not of all time.

But HOLY SHIT THERE IS A MOSTLY-NAKED SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL ON THE COVER OF REVOLVER. WHAT THE FUCK IS OUR SOCIETY COMING TO??? This girl should be fretting about whether or not to give up her virginity to Johnny Quarterback after prom, not dressing like Snake Plissken if Snake Plissken was hoping to get gang banged tonight.

(By the way, I’m not saying men can’t ogle women. OF COURSE men can ogle women. I ogled one this morning. But she was a WOMAN, not a GIRL. Also, “ogle” is one of those words that starts to sound funny if you say it too much. Ogle ogle ogle.)

The good news is, this means that Vince and I can finally run those photos we have of the Black Tide kids crossing swords without losing any sleep over something pesky like morals. All bets are off now, Revolver!

-AR