LISTEN FREE TO THE CROWN’S DOOMSDAY KING BEFORE I LOSE MY TEMPER
Hey, you’re a MetalSucks reader and therefore are in possession of rugged good looks and a discerning ear, so you’ll be happy about this news: The Crown’s just-released album Doomsday King is streaming in full right here on the internet. That’s pretty much all you need to know. Yep. The Crown, insanely awesome band, back from a hiatus, new record just came out Tuesday; these are the facts. And clicking here gets you a step closer to hearing all of their new epic for free. Good times. Yessiree. Leading with a link of this magnitude sure makes my job easy. I mean, are you even still reading this? Shit, I could write anything here cuz you’ve clicked already, right? No? Okay, I guess that’s cool. Well, it makes me feel good that you’re still reading. But, um, you wanna follow this link to Metal Underground where Doomsday King, the seventh Crown album (and second to feature a singer not named Johan Lindstrand), can be enjoyed in exchange for no money. That sounds like major fun, does it not. Oh I see. You tend to keep reading (and not palm-banging this link) when you notice that the text continues. My fault. Actually, I’ll just knock off early. That’s the ticket. Cuz you’re off to this location to blast the fucking new Crown album anyway. No point in me hanging around. So, yeah, no more words. I’m shutting up. Have fun!
Oh, hi. You still here? Look, I don’t want to push this on you or overhype shit. But you’ll later resent me if I do anything less than firmly insist that you get over to MU and commence headbanging away your Friday. So, ahem, click this now before this turns into an argument. I mean, you can come rollerskating with me, sure, but frankly we both know you should either a.) finger-rape this link to a free stream of Doomsday King by The Crown; or, b.) purchase The Crown’s Doomsday King record. I’d link to a purchase point, but shit, let’s just go one step at a time. What’s that? No, I’m not belittling you. Yes, I know you won’t get confused by links to two different sites. I didn’t say that you’re dumb. Okay, Jaysus Fuck, here’s the link to Century Media’s store, too. But that’s step two. First, what you’re going to do is hover your screen’s little arrow over these words and then press down. Doing so will bring you, via the magic of wires and shit, to an internet website where you can listen to the new album by The Crown, one of metal’s greatest bands. Oh, and there’s a teeny bit of scrolling involved. Okay? We cool? I’m all laced up here so I’m gonna go skate. In closing, I love The Crown, you love The Crown, Mike Schleibaum loves The Crown, and most importantly, you are clicking here fucking now.
–ADF
The Crown’s seventh album Doomsday King is out now on Century Media. Wait a second. You haven’t clicked, have you. You dirty bastard.
