CRYSTAL VIPER ARE SOCIALLY CONSCIOUS

Poland’s Crystal Viper are the best thing to happen to metal since the invention of the electric guitar. They’re so fucking good that I’m not even sure why any other metal band is still trying. Everyone should just quit, and we should change the name of this site to “CrystalViperSucks,” and just report all Crystal Viper news, all the time, in a sincere manner, with absolutely no tongue-in-cheek humor whatsoever.

And if you doubt my claims, check out the band’s latest video, for the song “Greed is Blind.” The clip tells the moving story of a Homeless Beggar; a Well-Attired Man stops to give said Homeless Beggar some money, and the Homeless Beggar rewards the Well-Attired Man for his kindness by literally stabbing him in the back. After discovering that Well-Attired Man’s wallet is empty, the insidious Homeless Beggar decides to steal the Well-Attired Man’s Crystal Viper guitar pick instead! OH NOES! Those devious homeless people. You have to keep one eye on them at all times, ’cause they’re always trying to steal your priceless Crystal Viper shit!

What I really appreciate about this video, though, is that the band only spent two dollars to make it, so as to ensure that we understand that Crystal Viper practice what they preach.

“Greed is Blind” will be on Crystal Viper’s latest, Legends, which comes out October 22 on AFM. It promises to be the best metal album of this or any other year that another Crystal Viper record wasn’t released.

-AR