UNNECESSARY ROUGHNESS WITH THE RED CHORD’S GREG WEEKS: LAUGHING AT OTHERS’ MISFORTUNES, MANNING VS. MANNING, AND… IGGY POP?
Many metal fans might be thinking, “Why is there a blog about organized sports on a metal site?” The answer: I have no fucking idea. I’m not sure you can make many similarities between metal and the NFL, other than they both usually have dudes smashing into each other in a semi-homoerotic way.
In any case, rooting for your local team, which is usually filled with no one from your area, to win games — something you have zero control over while sitting on your couch eating Funyuns — is pretty fun if you want it to be. The frequent concussions, the controversies, and the occasional femur snap make it all worth it for me. If you’re still not convinced, watch Terrell Owens crying:
Now, onto the games!
First off, congrats to Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco for nabbing his 700th career catch during Sunday’s win over the Ravens. He managed to do this while appearing on FX’s The League and some sort of wrestling show. It’s a shame that NFL stars have to turn to “acting” just to make ends meet.
There were plenty of low-scoring bores this week, as well as a couple embarrassing blowouts. One such game was the brutal slaughtering of the Arizona Cardinals by the Atlanta Falcons, whose third string running back, Jason Snelling, ran for three of the touchdowns in the 41-7 victory. Ouch!
The “Burger-less” Steelers were victors once again this week. Taking down Chris Johnson and the Titans is no easy feat. J. Cutter had a great showing when his Bears took over the winless Cowboys who, in the past, have overcome an 0-2 start to win the super bowl. I’m not too sure this team will have the same results.
Detroit almost had a comeback win against the Eagles this week. I have a good feeling about the Lions this year. They’re starting 0-2 but look for them to win four to five games this year.
By the way, I’m typing this while watching the second Crow movie. It sucks real bad. I think they made three or four of these ridiculous movies.
Miami took the win over the Vikings while shaking up Favre and forcing a fumble in the end zone. Favre forgot what team he was on and threw three interceptions to bring the score to 14-10. Not to be outdone, Joe Flacco of the Baltimore Ravens played pass with the Bengals, giving up four interceptions in their loss.
So a bunch of palm trees just blew up for no reason in the movie. Is that Iggy Pop?
Manning Fest!!! The brothers Manning took center stage Sunday night to bring their sibling rivalry to the public. It played out the way I’m sure many of their younger grudge matches went. Payton got his friends to rough up his little brother while he inflicted wedgies in the form of touchdowns on the entire NY Giants. The best part is their parents watched the whole thing. Do you think they’re more proud of their winning son?
I hope you all enjoy this section of MetalSucks. If I didn’t get to your team, I apologize. I don’t watch all of the games, what with my busy Sunday schedule of eating and heavy napping, but I try to make stuff up so that it seems like I do. I’ll leave you with some points for discussion:
1) Favorite player’s name, i.e. The Rams’ C.J. Ah You or The Texans’ Arian Foster?
2) What’s your favorite Crow movie?
See you next week!
-GW
We’re too scared to tell Greg that they’re making another fucking Crow movie. On a semi-related note, you should visit The Red Chord on MySpace.
Photo credit: Chris Fulcher
