GREAT WHITE SINGER IS LITERALLY FULL OF SH*T

How does Great White still exist? If The Station Fire wasn’t a career-ending scandal, what is? Would Jack Russell have to go around throwing babies at brick walls or something? Or do you still think aging housewives would re-live their glory days by going to see him and whomever the fuck else is in Great White these days play “Once Bitten, Twice Shy,” and, uhhh… I don’t even know what this band’s other hits are. (I like hair metal, and I always thought that Great White were pretty weak.) But I’d think that, at this point, going to a Great White show would be akin to getting into a car being driven by Vince Neil, or having unprotected sex with Tommy Lee, or agreeing to be the new member of any version of L.A. Guns: a bad, bad, bad, terrible, horrible, atrocious, bad idea. I would only agree to doing so if I were promised I could stand right next to the exit, with one foot out the door, and that no pyro of any kind would be used.

But some people don’t let thoughts like this linger in the mind. And so Great White does still exist, in some form or another, although they may be on hiatus for awhile — according to Gunshy Assassin, Russell recently “suffered a perforated bowel… which meant crap starting leaking into his abdomen.” Yucky. Doctors have fixed the problem and Russell is now pooping normally again, thanks to the aid of a colostomy bag that his surgeons think “will just be temporary.”

That’s terrible, and under any normal circumstances, I’d feel bad for Russell. Then again, The Station Fire. So, y’know. Life’s a bitch.

-AR