VARIATIONS ON EDDIE WE’D LIKE TO SEE IN THE FUTURE

There has been quite a lot of debate over the new Iron Maiden artwork for The Final Frontier, both on MetalSucks and in the three dimensional world. I personally think it’s a decent idea, but poorly executed. The “alien” is, of course, Eddie, and I refuse to think otherwise because, for God’s sake, who else would it be? It’s good to branch out a bit in terms of style and artists, because the same old, same old can get a bit boring — but this seems to be case of, “If it ain’t broke, break it.” Keeping that in mind, here are my ideas on what future Maiden artwork should be. It goes without saying that I’d prefer Eddie the Head as we have come to know and love him in the following depictions. But Zombie Eddie would also be okay.

Now Eddie has had a lot of roles — and even more if you count all the one-off shows and appearances, like the Eddie surfing on a shark artwork on the 1985 Hawaiian show (it’s a $900 t-shirt on Ebay, and if you really want to buy it for me, I won’t stop you) or Sheikh Eddie riding a camel for the Dubai shows. These are all fun, but I want full-blown album artwork and theme shows for my brilliant ideas. Such as —

Sultan Eddie. Think about it: sitting on his throne with his zombie eunuchs serving him and shapely concubines servicing him. Hookahs, trays loaded with riches and sumptious delights, lavish pillows, and the classic Ottoman artwork would fill in the background. I think it would be amazing. There’s so much that could be done with that theme, too, as part of the show or accompanying artwork. Dervish Eddie spinning, Jannissary Eddie on horseback with a luxurious moustache and curved sword, Sultan’s favorite concubine, Edwina, locked up, with spying eyes all around her. And maybe that would encourage Iron Maiden to quit skipping Turkey on their European tours (but that’s just getting personal).

Maharaja Eddie. Okay, I think there has been some variation of this for a show, but I can’t find it online, so I’m keeping it. With the Taj Mahal rising in the background and sari-clad “maidens” all around, I think it has the possibility to look really cool. Pharaoh Eddie for Powerslave is my favorite artwork, so I can’t help but go for the historic settings. Plus, there’s the added sting of a British band taking over an Indian subject. If they really wanted to piss some people off, well just throw Eddie as General Mountbatten in there, too.

Fans always have a problem with their favorite bands, selling out, turning the band into a brand and appealing to the younger generations through commercial endeavors. Well, Iron Maiden is already kind of a brand, and I don’t think they really have to worry about losing fans, so why not adopt some popular trends right now? It’s a little late for the World Cup now, but what if in four years we get a Football (Soccer) Eddie with the accompanying World Cup song? I wouldn’t mind that, especially since I keep hearing the Shakira song whether I want to or not. At least with Iron Maiden I’d have a longer threshold before I got good and sick of it.

It’s a little late for this, but since I highly doubt any of what I write is going to happen, I can dream… So what about Iron Maiden on The Muppet Show? Their shows do err on the vaudeville theatricality side, and, taking it a step further, the band could actually become Muppets. Man, I would love to own a Steve Harris Muppet. Hey, The Muppet Show is how I first discovered Alice Cooper, and I’m still a fan.

Coming back to the current trends — and it pains me to write this — but what about Eddie as a vampire? Better yet, Zombie Eddie as a vampire, to get that ironic ball rolling — so it won’t be like they’re completely sucking up to those silly teenagers.

Now this is a little obvious and I’m kind of surprised it’s never been done (and if it has, I’ve completely missed it), but what about Eddie Christ? I don’t know about you, but picturing Eddie at the Last Supper, devouring everything in sight, sure does warm my heart. Of course, that’s bound to raise hell with everyone’s mortal enemies, the Westboro Baptist Church, but in terms of artwork and show possibilities, the options are endless. I’m not deliberately trying to think of concepts that would annoy and rile people up, but it’s those very ideas that usually provide the most freedom with creativity and satire.

Of course, there are the kitschy ideas that are kind of obvious but still haven’t come into fruition, like Viking Eddie, Playboy/Hugh Hefner Eddie, and Hollywood Eddie destroying the iconic Marilyn-over-the-grate-pose. Not to mention the Eddies that would legitimately lose the band some fans but would still be amusing, Saturday Night Fever Eddie. Though he’d probably end up looking like the new zombie on Plants vs. Zombies (which is bullshit because the Michel Jackson one they ‘recalled” is clearly superior), so that’s not fun. Alternatively, there could be Liberace Eddie. Vampire Eddie might be better suited under this banner too, the more I think about it.

I could keep going, but so can Iron Maiden. So we’ll just have to wait and see what else is in Eddie’s future.

-LF