AL GORE WANTS TO F*CK LIKE A BEAST

So as it turns out, Blackie Lawless is a real asshole — but that doesn’t change the fact that W.A.S.P. rocks, and that no artist should have to put up with shit from Tipper Gore.

And no husband should, either. So what if Al Gore was actually a closet metal head, and his divorce from Tipper meant he could finally rock out with his cock out? This is the scenario painted by the always brilliant The Onion:

“For the first time in decades, I get to play the kind of music I like without someone nagging me about what a bad influence it is,” said Gore, sitting on the floor of his living room as he cued up the song “Animal (Fuck Like A Beast)” on his stereo. “And I get to crank it up as loud as I want.”

“These guys are kicking some serious ass,” added the two-term U.S. Senator. “Check out this guitar break coming up—it’s nasty.”

Oh, man, I wish this wasn’t a fake story. I would love to go to a metal show with Al Gore. I bet Vince would, too. Imagine if they could bond over a mutual love of environmentalism and Motley Crue? That would be a beautiful thing, man!

Read the rest here.

-AR

Thanks to Shane Gillis and Schenkeltown for the tip!