HOW ABOUT YOU JUST EAT ME, PERIOD?

I’d never heard of Nevershoutnever before this morning, and now that I’ve seen their music video, I realize that I could have gone the rest of my life without ever hearing of them.

Even by pre-teen girl standards, that strikes me as pretty abhorrent, and I’m surprised that fundamentalists have yet to accuse it of encouraging rampant lesbianism in America’s youth.

Why am I even discussing this? ‘Cause the kid from Nevershoutnever now has a metal project, Eatmewhileimhot!, and Metal Insider is giving away their song “xBurritox.”

And, yes, as you’d expect from a band consisting of nineteen year old haircut kids who put an exclamation point in their band name and make strange straight-edge references to Mexican food, they play terrible, terrible deathcore.

Actually, the riff that starts the song is a perfectly okay, totally generic At the Gates rip-off that I can live with. I mean, like I said, I wouldn’t really listen to it ’cause I already have Slaughter of the Soul, but it doesn’t bother me.

But then the actual song starts. Oy.

I know some people will say, “Oh, this is a joke band, you shouldn’t let it annoy you so much.” But really, does the world need another joke band? There’s been, like, three good joke bands EVER. It’s a really, really hard thing to do well — to walk that line between satire and awesomeness — and most people fuck it up.

Anyway, listen here, if you want.

-AR