F*CK THE BIG FOUR: THE HOLY TRINITY OF EXTREME MUSIC WILL BLESS US WITH NEW ALBUMS THIS YEAR

There’s still no official release date for Gold Cobra, the most heavily anticipated recording in the history of music and sure to be the highest selling release of all time — or, at least, since Chinese Democracy. (I’ve heard that executives throughout the industry feel confident that Cobra will single-handedly revive CD sales. “There’s nothing out there right now with this kind of scope,” an unpaid intern who just started in the Interscope mailroom, and thinks he has a really bright future with the label, told me.) And while the anticipation is killing me, at least I know when I can run to Walmart and get my hands on the new Linkin Park album: the band has announced a September 14 release date for their latest offering, A Thousand Suns. It was produced by Rick Rubin, the man who made Metallica totally cool and relevant again.

The only questions, really, are a) Just how AWESOME is this thing gonna be?, and b) How will I ever find time to actually listen to it, given that next week FINALLY sees the release of Korn III —  a record which will completely change the way you experience music? Sure, we’ll still be two months away from the release of Suns, but I don’t think I’ll be sick of Korn III in just two months. (Thank GOD it looks like there’s no new Pig Destroyer album coming out this year after all — I don’t see how I could ever possibly fit it into my rotation.) This is an album with a lot of layers, and it’s really gonna take multiple listens just to try and get through it all. (Unless, of course, you’re a super-awesome blogger like me, and you were lucky enough to get to attend the listening party for the record.) Oh, why aren’t there more hours in the day?!?

But, really, it’s ungrateful for me to complain about this embarrassment of riches. I mean, we’re getting new albums from Korn, Limp Bizkit, and Linkin Park — all in one year! What ever did we do to be so lucky?

-AR