SHINEDOWN THREATEN TO RUIN THE BEST MOVIE EVER MADE

If you’re not excited for The Expendables, I can only assume it’s because you don’t have any hair where your bathing suit covers, and have no intention of ever growing hair in that spot. Even with Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger only having brief cameos, even with Jean-Claude Van Damme declining to participate (Dolph Lundgren took his role instead) and Steven Seagal not being invited to participate, and even with Charles Bronson unavailable to participate… surely, this must be the greatest gathering of action stars in the history of gun powder. And it has an R rating, which seems increasingly rare these days. If it’s half as violent as the most recent Rambo flick, well, I say just hand it the Best Picture Oscar right now and tell everyone else to go fuck their mothers.

That being said, when I saw the latest trailer for the greatest film Francois Truffaut never got around to directing, I was horrified to hear them using what sounded like some of the shittiest fucking moose rock I’d ever heard in my life. I knew it wasn’t Nickelback, but it sure did sound like Nickelback; so I assumed it was Theory of a Dead Man, or some crap like that. I also assumed that, as is so often the case, it wouldn’t appear in the finished film, but, rather, was just being used in the trailer, probably because it conveniently featured the lyric “Every one of us is expendable.”

Alas, I was wrong. According to the always lovely Allyson B. Crawford at Bring Back Glam, it’s a new Shinedown song, entitled “”Diamond Eyes (boom-lay boom-lay boom),” and it was written specifically for the film. And I know that Vince really likes Shinedown, and I love Vince and respect his opinion with every ounce of my being, but… holy crap, this song is FUCKING AWFUL.

It’s good to know that nearly a decade after eighteen other shitty nu-metal songs used the word “boom” as an easy signifier for “RADIO ANTHEM!”, Shinedown are finally catching up with the pack. I hear next year they plan to add a DJ, too. Assholes.

Hopefully this shit only plays over the closing credits, when my eyes will already be overflowing with (manly) tears of joy, and I can make a quick exit without ever having to listen to this drek again.

And in case ya need to get wise, here’s the trailer for The Expendables:

-AR