A TRANSCRIPT OF A MEETING REGARDING THE ALBUM ART FOR DISTURBED’S ASYLUM
DAVID DRAIMAN: “Okay, so our new album, Asylum, is coming out on August 31. What have you got for me?”
ALBUM ARTIST: “Okay, so I know you guys wanna work with your mascot again… I’m sorry, does the mascot have a name?”
DAVID DRAIMAN: “Shithead.”
[confused silence]
ALBUM ARTIST: “Excuse me?”
DAVID DRAIMAN: “Shithead.”
ALBUM ARTIST: “Mr. Draiman… I’m sorry I don’t know the mascot’s name, but I hardly think that warrants calling me names…”
DAVID DRAIMAN: “No, you asshole! The mascot’s name is Shithead.”
ALBUM ARTIST: “Oh! Uh… okay… so… I thought we’d have, um… Shithead, did you say? I thought we’d have him in a mental institution… y’know, ’cause the album is called Asylum… and he’d be in a straitjacket… surrounded by other head cases and some scary looking doctors…”
DAVID DRAIMAN: “I’m sorry, did you say ‘scary?’ No no no no. That’s all wrong! Mommies have to be able to buy this album for their kids! We need Walmart to give the record prominent placement on their shelves! We can’t have anything scary. Just stick Shithead in a straitjacket and be done with it.”
ALBUM ARTIST: “Oh… okay… well, that might be, kinda… y’know… boring, maybe?”
DAVID DRAIMAN: “Well, put Shithead in a Dutch oven or something.”
[more confused silence]
ALBUM ARTIST: “Uh… what?”
DAVID DRAIMAN: “You know! A Dutch oven! Like, when he’s all cock-eyed and stuff? Like on the old Batman television series?”
ALBUM ARTIST: “Ohhh… you mean a Dutch angle?”
DAVID DRAIMAN: “Yeah, that. Also, make sure Shithead is bursting out of the straitjacket. We need to convey an imagery of strength. Part of the reason people like us is because of our muscles.”
[David Draiman flexes his arms by way of example.]
ALBUM ARTIST: “Um, okay… so, just to review… you want, uh… Shithead… alone… in a straitjacket… bursting out of that straitjacket… at a Dutch angle? And that’s it?”
DAVID DRAIMAN: “Did I stutter? Yes, that’s what I want!”
ALBUM ARTIST: “Okay, gimme ten minutes. Nah, just gimme five minutes.”
-AR
