TAKE THIS JUGGALO SEX ADVICE AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR NEDEN HOLE

June 25th, 2010 at 12:30pm
Axl Rosenberg

680

OHMYGODJUGGALOSPLEASESTOPMAKINGITSOHARDNOTTOLAUGH!!!!!!!!!!

I guess I should just accept that I’m never going to stop making fun of Juggalos. Because they keep doing such incredibly stupid shit. Their latest folley? Giving sex and relationship to Nerve.

Let me repeat that: Juggalos are giving advice on sex and relationships. That’s like asking Adolf Hitler for advice on getting along with other cultures.

Here are some choice samples:

What’s the craziest thing you’ve seen at a Juggalo event?
Oh shit, where do I start? I was at a Miss Juggalette Pageant one night and I saw a girl get onstage and shove a twelve-inch kielbasa up her neden hole. Juggalos can’t dance, you know? So I guess they got to do something.
Wait, what’s a neden hole?
Oh, we call vaginas nedens.

Do Juggalos have sex in clown makeup?
I don’t — my girl’s not into that kind of shit — but that’s actually a pretty big thing with Juggalos. I was talking to one of my homies the other day and he was like, “Yeah, we got all painted up and made a porno last night.” So it happens, definitely. I remember back in 2003, 2004 there was tons of it around, just like bootleg Juggalo porn. People all painted up. It was pretty crazy.
I’ve been getting serious with a guy. The more I get to know him, the more I realize he’s super Christian. I’m not even a little bit. Should I end it?
No. If you love a girl, then that shouldn’t matter. Unless she’s, like, all gung-ho and trying to convert you. Then maybe you can kick her to the curb. Most things are cool with Juggalos. I’ve seen dudes with 300-pound girls with facial hair and it’s all good. Big, fat, bald, retarded — it’s all good with us.
I was really into this girl. Recently, I looked through her iPod and noticed it was nothing but Ke$ha and Lady Gaga. Is “terrible taste” an okay reason to break things off?
No. But it’s a good reason to just make fun of them.

You hear that? If someone has terrible taste, than that is a good reason to make fun of them. A fucking Jugglo said that. IT’S LIKE THEY’RE GIVING US PERMISSION!!!