ESCAPE THE FATE OF SH*TTY OFFICE JOBS WITH BLACK VEIL BRIDES

OK, I get the deal with this Black Veil Brides superfan… the whole “I listen to metal but I wear a suit and tie” thing is this guy’s shtick, and he wants to be known for it amongst the YouTube youngster masses. There’s the whole “don’t let the man bring you down” + “be who you are” attitudes he’s portraying, which I guess I can get down with in theory. I mean, every time I meet a doctor or lawyer or investment banker (or anyone whose work uniform is not the Business Hooide) and I find out they’re a closet metalhead, I’m pretty stoked. And I definitely advocate being who you are. Except that this guy’s taste in metal sucks balls.

His latest video du jour — sent in by OG MetalSucks reader and Darkest Hour guitarist Mike “Lonestar” Carrigan — features dudeman dancing around his bedroom pretending to be in the band (yeah, I totally did this to Van Halen and Ozzy… when I was 12). It starts off all normal [relatively], then around 1:45 he runs off camera to get his white button-down shirt and starts assembling his work wardrobe piece by piece. To the music of Escape the Fate. Escape the fucking Fate! Maybe this would be cool if it were Slayer or Maiden, or even something a little newer like… oh, I don’t know, Opeth or The Red Chord. But Escape the Fate and Black Veil Brides? Cry me an emo river in that cubicle. These bands are like the shitty office job version of metal… bland, derivative and boring.

Hey, at least the guy can tie a mean double-windsor.

-VN