CRACKED NAMES OZZY OSBOURNE AND NIKKI SIXX TWO OF “THE SEVEN MOST IMPOSSIBLE ROCK STARS TO DEAL WITH”

If you read MetalSucks regularly you know we’re huge fans of Cracked.com. But they’ve gone and made this list of “The 7 Most Impossible Rock Stars to Deal With,” and while every rock star on the list is probably a massive dick, there is a major, major oversight on the list.

See, Ozzy and Nikki Sixx both made the list, but did so based on past exploits – e.g., peeing on the Alamo, dying of an overdose, being revived, and promptly going home to shoot-up again, etc. And, yeah. That’s some crazy shit that those guys did, and a big, big part of their respective legends. (There’s no mention of the infamous “Ozzy licked up Nikki’s pee” incident, even though it was a glorious moment in time when these two nutcases’ paths intersected.)

But at this point, I doubt that either of these dudes are quite the handful they once were.

Ozzy doesn’t seem to know what day of the week of it is, which I guess that might make him dangerous, but I hear he’s got handlers that basically direct him from place to place 24/7, and the last time I saw him live he could barely move, so I don’t see him biting the head off anything soon.

And Nikki… well, honestly, at this point, I think he’s just a middle-aged rich dude pretending to be rebellious ’cause he knows he has a rep to maintain. But the only real threat he poses is to the pharmaceutical industry, ’cause when he dies, Penicillin sales in the Los Angeles area will most likely drop by 80 – 90%.

On the other hand, Axl Rose is nowhere to be found on the list, and continues to be a menace to this. Why, right now he’s suing his former manager for deigning to call him by his birth name, “William.” Everyone he’s ever worked with has quit or been fired and inevitably ended up in some kind of lawsuit with the guy. If he spent as much time working on GN’R as he does working on suing people who used to work with GN’R, Chinese Democracy might have sold better. Or Slash and Izzy and Duff might still be in the band. Or Buckethead. Or Brain. Or Robin Finck. Or Steven Adler, Matt Sorum, Gilby Clarke, Josh Freese, Paul Tobias, or… well, you get it.

Anyway, it’s still a pretty good read. Check out Crack’s complete list here.

-AR