JUST SAY IT, JON: YOU THINK VAMPIRES EVERYWHERE SUCK!

“Journalism” (as opposed to the hack variety we peddle on this site) is a funny thing; you’re supposed to be, like, non-biased and stuff. Which is why the first paragraph from a Noisecreep post this afternoon about recent Century Media signees Vampires Everywhere written by the usually rock-solid Revolver and Decibel scribe Jon Wiederhorn gave cause for quite a chuckle:

In the land of ‘True Blood’ and ‘Twilight,’ the vampire reigns supreme, which helps explain the appeal of Los Angeles sextet Vampires Everywhere! among today’s youth. The creatures of the night play an ultra-catchy hybrid of goth, metalcore and pop that sinks its teeth deeper and deeper the more the listener is exposed to it.

You know and I know, and I know that you know, and you know that I know you know… that this band is absolute donkey scrotum. Anytime you’ve got to qualify a band’s appeal by naming qualities that “help explain” it, well, it’s pretty clear that you — and any human being with sane taste — think they suck harder than the way I got sucked into 6 seasons of L O S T only to have it all explained away by pseudo-religion.

So why sugar-coat it by citing the band’s catchiness as a supposed virtue? Come onnnnnn. I hope the dudes in Vampires Everywhere can come to their senses and realize you actually don’t like their band but were just trying to play nice, but given the level of intelligence required to ape terrible 4th-generation metalcore I doubt that’ll be the case. Mr. Wiederhorn, tell the world how you really feel about this band! If Noisecreep head-honcho Seth W. lets Carlos Ramirez run wild with his ridiculous (but awesome) lists and he lets Allyson B. Crawford scour the world for the next great glam band set to take the world by storm I’m sure he’ll make an exception this one time for you, ’cause you know there’s no WAY anyone who writes for Noisecreep actually digs this band in the slightest. And they’d be lying if they said they did. So c’mon, just say it: you think this band blows.

</rant>

Oh hey, Gitter, I’m totally ready and willing to take you up on that dinner offer whenever you’ve got a free evening! Peter Luger’s for dinner tomorrow? Cuban cigars on you? Sweet, I’m in.

-VN