REMINDING MYSELF (AGAIN) WHY I USED TO LOVE OZZY & ZAKK

The evidence increasingly suggests that Ozzy’s Scream is not going to be his Endgame, and there’s really nothing more that I’d like right now but for a newly-sober Zakk Wylde to make an incredibly kick-ass record, the quality of which bitch-slaps his former boss for firing him via the internet. That album art for Black Label Society’s upcoming Order of the Black isn’t anything special, but it doesn’t scream “SUCK!” the way the last BLS cover with the nuns playing billiards did.

Of course, chances are that Order isn’t gonna be much fun, either, but a fella can dream, can’t he? Once upon a time, Zakk seemed like the coolest fucking guy in the world.

Such thoughts are probably why I recently found myself revisiting No More Tears again – it’s the same thing that happens with Metallica, where I end up listening to Justice everytime I see some kid wearing a Death Magnetic tour tee. What struck me this time is that the album opener, “Mr. Tinkertrain,” doesn’t just rock – it’s still incredibly creepy nineteen years later. These days, Ozzy would never release a single about being a kiddie rapist; all his singles now are about how old he is. (“Gets Me Through,” “Not Going Away,” “I Don’t Wanna Stop,” and now “Let Me Hear You Scream” are all, lyrically-speaking, stubborn insistences that he won’t retire.) Not super-metal a topic, is it? (And now he’s making a Christmas album. Oy.) I mean maybe if one of the songs was called “Prostate Exams Suck,” I could get behind it… at least that would be br00tal, y’know?

-AR