“WHY TRY” AND EVEN LISTEN TO THE NEW LIMP BIZKIT SONG?

I don’t know. I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know. I’ll bring it up in therapy this week.

In any case, I am now about to listen to this song for the first time, and just type out my thoughts as I do. Should I get high for this, take the edge off a little? I think I’m gonna get high for this. Be right back.

Ohhhh-kay. I think I’m ready for this. Ready? Here we go…

• It’s good to see that Wes Borland still writes riffs that are meant to give me a migraine. Holy shit, is this off to a bad start.
• “Strapped with a flow like a gatlin blow” – I assume he means the gun, not the Olympic gold medalist.
• “Walk with the limp it’s the pirate pimp” – Did Fred Durst just compare himself to a pirate with a peg leg? Why? How is that impressive? What the fuck does that even mean? Is he trying to tell us he walks in a way that’s cool? Does Fred Durst just put whatever rhymes into his lyrics? What the fuck am I listening to? I need more weed.
• Did he just actively make a reference to the song “Eat You Alive?” Even Limp Bizkit fans don’t like that song. Jesus.
• “Uno, dos, trace of ya face, catch me a case when you run from the ghost/ with a cup and a click one little slip.” Wow, that is just straight-up gibberish. You wonder why Fred Durst even uses words instead of just noises and grunts. If anyone understands what the fuck this lyric means, please kill yourself.
• I haven’t heard a single record-scratch once. Did they fire DJ Lethal?
• Now we’re at the chorus and, once again, I have no idea what Fred Durst is talking about. At first I thought he was being defeatist and saying that life is meaningless because we all die, but that’s far too profound a thought for the director of  an Ice Cube family football movie. I think he’s actually saying that no one should, like, step to him or whatever because they’d never stand a chance. What that has to do with relating hate to a crime, I have no idea. I feel like between the weed and this song my entire IQ is just swirling down the drain.
• Speaking of weed, I’ve now upgraded myself to weed and Jack Daniel’s.
• Wow, this same exact riff with absolutely no variation whatsoever does not get even more irritating as it drones on and on and on. No wonder Wes Borland gave Jakarta’s most popular guitar clinic of all time.
• “Tangle with the lion you gonna end up in the zoo.” Makes no fucking sense. Didn’t a lot of people have to listen to this before it made it onto the record? And no one said, “Hey, Freddy, if you tangle with a lion, they’re not going to put you in a zoo. More likely you’ll be eaten, or at least maimed. Best case scenario, tangle with the lion you gonna end up in the hospital. I know that doesn’t rhyme, though, so maybe just take this part out altogether?” His friends and band mates and business advisors are all just letting him embarrass himself!!!
• And I never enjoyed Chiclets again.
• At this point I actually blacked out until after the second chorus.
• With drumming this creative, you wonder why they don’t just hire a metronome.
• He’s saying something about fleas. Oh my fucking God, where are the Insane Clown Posse when you really need them?
• What, no guitar solo?

I can’t believe there are people threatening the lives of Trey Parker and Matt Stone, but not a single terrorist group thinks Durst needs to be killed. This is an ass-backwards world in which we live.

Fuck weed, I’m moving onto crack.

-AR