ONE ASSHOLE CALLS ANOTHER ASSHOLE “AN ASSHOLE”

I wasn’t gonna say anything about this because it seemed like there really wasn’t that much to say, but fuck it – the whole situation is starting to get out of control, which is to say, it amuses me.

So Hole released a new album this week, entitled Nobody’s Daughter – which is either a hilarious reference to the fact that Courtney Love (who apparently now wants to be known as “Courtney Michelle,” because changing monikers after twenty years worked out so well for Prince) lost custody of her daughter, Frances Bean Cobain, last year, or is supposed to be profound in some way I don’t give a shit about. I haven’t heard the album and really don’t care to; if Gary Suarez had never written about it, I don’t think I’d even be aware of its existence.

ANYWAY, Billy Corgan, who was once friends with Love/Michelle and may or may not have helped her write some songs which may or may not actually be on Nobody’s Daughter, responded to the record release with a Twitter tirade telling us a lot of shit we already knew – namely, that Love can’t write music on her own, that nobody would ever have given a shit about her if she hadn’t somehow tricked Kurt Cobain into squirting his baby-making juice into her, and that she’s a terrible mother. From Classic Rock:

Corgan began it all by announcing: “My face is my face, my heart is my heart, my money is my money. Oh, and my songs are MY songs. If you can’t write your own songs maybe you should just be happy that you fooled someone into doing your work for you. Maybe you should go (somewhere) nice [and] live off your husband’s money, (you) know, the money he made for writing all those great songs”.

Not satisfied, he carried on by taking a swipe at the fact that Courtney recently lost custody of her daughter, Frances Bean: “The world is aware of your lack of responsibility, as seen in the (government) taking away your parental rights. Only you could abandon such a beautiful, incredible child who is smarter than (you), cooler than (you), and better than (you). Oops, did I say too much?”

Of course, there was no fucking way Courtney wasn’t going to respond. From Blabbermouth:

In her tweets, Love took issue with Corgan’s comments about Love being a poor mother to her daughter Frances. Responding to Corgan’s remarks that Frances was “better,” “cooler,” and “smarter” that her mother, Love wrote, “What does ‘BETTER’ mean i agree heartily that (Frances) is indeed Smarter and Cooler than ANYONE will ever be you creep now go away GROSS.” Love also wrote that Corgan “coughs up this spiritual shit like bile and lives none of it, I really think its truly creepy how jealous and obsessed (with Frances) he is GROSS.”

Love also apparently deleted a tweet asking Corgan if he was a “pedophile,” while also saying in other deleted tweets, “Your creepiness is disgusting shes never going to respond to you ever, leave her alone or ill seek a (temporary restraining order).”

Now, besides the basic fact that I just think it’s entertaining when rock stars fight, here’s why I find this all so amusing:

• Billy Corgan had no reason whatsoever to start this little flame war… other than to drum up publicity for himself. If any of the material he wrote really does appear on Nobody’s Daughter, then, presumably, he has some proof that he wrote it, and can sue Courtney’s junkie ass, right? And one way or the other, there’s absolutely no reason for him to want to actively remind people that the album was coming out; either his material is on the record and he hates Courtney and won’t want people to hear it, or his material isn’t on the record and he hates Courtney and won’t want people to hear it… right? So the only logical reason to call her out is to get his name in the headlines. (And mission accomplished. If you look up, you’ll note that I did, indeed, use his birth name in my headline.) It’s no secret that Corgan’s Smashing Pumpkins non-reunion didn’t exactly return him to his former glory the way he hoped it would. The damage of Zwan and his awful solo work is done, so he’s desperate to remind the world that once upon a time, he was a rock star.
• Like I said, Corgan isn’t telling anyone anything they didn’t already know. The only people who still think Courtney Love is cool are the kinds of folks that McDonald’s gets a government tax break for hiring.
• Uhhhh… Pot? You’re black.
• Love’s response makes the whole thing sound like the Charlotte Haze-Humbert Humbert-Lolita love triangle in Lolita. I wouldn’t be all that shocked if Corgan had been shtupping Love, but was he really sticking it to her daughter, too? Presumably not, or Love would just have had him arrested, right? So her comeback is tantamount to that of a fifth grade girl: “I’m not a retard, you’re a pedophile! Ppppfffftttt!!!” The whole thing is like watching a fire fight between two people who don’t realize that their guns aren’t actually loaded.

I’m sure this battle of wits isn’t done playing itself out, but really, at this point, the only way it could get any funnier is if we could somehow get Marilyn Manson involved. C’mon, Brian Warner! You’re on Twitter! GET IN THE GAME!!!

-AR