THE BEST THING ABOUT THE NEW TAPROOT VIDEO IS THE CHICK WITH BIG TITS STROKING HER PUSSY

I know Vince has enjoyed some of Taproot’s past work; honestly, I’ve never heard a full Taproot album, ’cause I’ve never heard a Taproot song I liked enough to seek out an entire record. And when Vince told us all that we didn’t really need to listen to the band’s new single, “Fractured (Everything I Said Was True),” well, I just decided to take him at his word.

But then a press release went out about the video for the song, and when I (for some inexplicable reason) clicked the link to go the video, the still image that came up (I’m sure there’s a word for that but I don’t know what it is – but the still image that’s just resting on your monitor before you hit the play button on the vid? Yeah, that thing.) was of a trashy-looking chick in her bra, and, well, I’m a simple man of simple pleasures, So I decided to watch it.

Unfortunately, the girl doesn’t have all that much to do in the video, and the song is, indeed, generic radio rawk. But I will share this little story with you: for the first chunk of the clip, I was like, “Why the fuck does the lead singer have a bandage on his chin? Did he cut himself shaving before they shot this? Is it supposed to make him look tough? What’s going on here?”

And then there was a close-up of the lead singer, and I realized he does not have a bandage on his chin – he has dyed-platinum facial hair. So he wasn’t hurt, he’s just a douche bag.

-AR