SNAP JUDGMENTS OF SLASH’S NEW ALBUM BASED ON THIRTY SECOND SONG SAMPLES

So the Australian branch of iTunes has apparently uploaded thirty-second clips of all the songs from Slash’s forthcoming, self-titled solo album, and, of course, someone has uploaded all of those clips to YouTube. Gotta love the internet! So I thought we’d play one of our favorite games here at MetalSucks. It’s called “Let’s make premature judgments based on not very much actual music at all.” Listen to the clips in the video below, and then get my thoughts after the jump.

1. “Ghost,” featuring Ian Astbuty and Izzy Stradlin – This sounds pretty cool actually. Astbury is obviously a great singer. I was just listening to Use Your Illusion I the other day and thinking “Gee, this album would be that much cooler if Izzy’s guitars weren’t drowned out in the mix.” Presumably, they won’t be here.
2. “Crucify the Dead,” featuring Ozzy Osbourne – At least there are no guitar squeals, right?
3. “Beautiful Dangerous,” featuring Fergie – This sounds pretty cheesy to me, not least of all begins Fergie sounds like her active goal was to channel “Walk this Way w/ Run DMC”-era Steven Tyler. But maybe I’m just naturally prejudiced against former meth addicts who make terrible music. I dunno.
4. “Back from Cali”,” featuring Myles Kennedy – Not bad. Slash fans had better get used to this song – if Kennedy is gonna be the singer for Slash’s solo band, he’s gonna play it every night.
5. “Promise,” featuring Chris Cornell – This is one of the songs of I’ve been most excited to hear from this record, because the thought of a Cornell/Slash team-up just makes my inner thirteen year old’s cock explode all over the wall. But doesn’t it sound a little too Audioslave-ish? That kind of bouncy, staccato riff makes me think of “Like a Stone.” Which isn’t the worst song I’ve ever heard or anything, I’m just hoping for more from these two.
6. “By the Sword,” featuring Andrew Stockdale – We’ve already heard this one.
7. “Gotten,” featuring Adam Levine – I knew Adam Levine’s sister in college. We used to refer to her as “Tan Lines.” You figure it out.
8. “Doctor Alibi,” featuring Lemmy – As though Lemmy would ever be involved with something that isn’t cool. This sounds like a keeper.
9. “Watch This,” featuring Dave Grohl and Duff McKagan – Is this an instrumental, or were none of the vocals included in this clip? Either way, it sounds like the heaviest thing Slash has done since “Coma.” Awesome.
10. “I Hold On,” featuring Kid Rock – Typical country-rock stuff that Kid Suck has been doing as of late. I don’t hate it quite as much as I know I ought to, but I could live without it. It might be improved by the presence of a vocalist who doesn’t make me hate life.
11. “Nothing to Say,” featuring M. Shadows – It sounds just like Avenged Sevenfold. That doesn’t bother me, but I know it will bother a lot of you.
12. “Starlight,” featuring Myles Kennedy – See track 4.
13. “Saint is a Sinner Too,” featuring Rocco DeLuca – Okay, I’m not hip and I honestly have no idea who the fuck Rocco DeLuca is. Looking at his picture on the web, it appears that I want to punch him in the mouth. That being said, the song doesn’t sound bad.
14. “We’re All Gonna Die,” featuring Iggy Pop – Between Iggy and the song title, I was expecting something much more raw and punky. Shoulda known better, I s’pose. Still, doesn’t sound awful.
15. “Chains and Shackles,” featuring Nick Oliveri – A lot of people have said that when Nick Oliveri left Queens of the Stone Age, he took the metal with him, and this would seem to prove it. It sounds awesome. Too bad it’s an iTunes-only bonus track, and not one for the American iTunes, neither. Luckily, it’s 2010 and someone should upload it to the internet within about fifteen seconds of its release, so we should all be able to get it anyway. Why the fuck did the Adam Levine song make the cut but not this? ‘Cause Levine’s name moves more records? What a load of horse shit.
16. “Paradise Shitty,” featuring Fergie and Cypress Hill – We’ve already heard this one, too.

So there ya have it. I’m not sure if this album is gonna end up being good or just not a total clusterfuck, but either way, I’m now feeling confident that, at the very least, it won’t make me hate Slash. Which is nice.

The album comes out April 6 on EMI, and is now available for pre-order from iTunes and Amazon. The iTunes pre-order gives you an immediate download of “Die by the Sword,” which is nice. Although I don’t understand why anyone would ever pre-order from iTunes – I mean, it’s not like they’re gonna sell out of digital copies, right?

-AR

[via Blabbermouth]