THIS BAND IS BETTER THAN SUFFOKATE, BUT THEY STILL NEED A NEW NAME

After enduring the shittiness that is Suffokate, I made the following declaration:

Suffocation is far too legendary a band for anyone to use any variation on the word “suffocate” ever again. I don’t care how you spell it. Not helping: that Suffocation are still active, still awesome, and probably more talented than 99% of their death metal peers from any generation, ever.

And now it’s come to my attention that there’s a Portugese band called Suffochate.

Seriously.

That doesn’t even make any fucking sense. And it might be the lamest band name ever. I bet these guys get a lot of people going “What’s Suffo-chate,” pronouncing a hard “H.” It’s like in that Tom Hanks movie, That Thing You Do!, where the band calls themselves “The Oneders,” to be pronounced “one-ders,” and everyone thinks they’re “the oh-need-ers.” It’s just an awful, awful moniker to have chosen.

They’re actually better than Suffokate, if only because they play generic death metal, as opposed to generic deathcore. But still… give me a break, dudes. There are thousands, if not millions, of evil-sound words that don’t already sound like the name of a legendary band that’s actually good. GET A FUCKING DICTIONARY AND CHOOSE A DIFFERENT NAME, YOU NIT WITS. Trying to make a pun like that only makes you seem even sillier.

-AR