THE [VIRTUAL] REALITY OF MAJOR LABEL A&R

Most of you probably don’t know that I used to work at Atlantic Records. Not back in the heyday of Atlantic metal but during the lifetime of this here metal blog, in fact. Any time I brought up some of the classic metal acts to grace the ranks of Atlantic’s roster — Testament, Skid Row, Saigon Kick, King’s X… P.O.D. [I KID!!] — I was met with blank stares by the label’s higher-ups. They’d rather bob their heads in forced unison to the brand new sappy crappy Staind single that sounds exactly like all the other sappy crappy Staind singles. Oh, the stories I have about those board meetings… for another day.

Don’t worry; I got out of dodge as soon as I could. All is good now that I work safely in the confines of the MS Mansion in pantsless bliss.

I didn’t work in the A&R department at Atlantic, but I sat in on enough meetings and watched enough happen to know that the reality of major label A&R men suggested in this spoof video is frighteningly accurate. Enjoy; and if you’re a budding musician with major label dreams, be frightened. Very frightened.

-VN