NO, NUNO, NO!

“Make love not war sounds so absurd to me.” But not as absurd as the idea of Extreme’s Nuno Bettencourt touring with Rihanna, and trying to pass it off as “a high-energy experience” that really fits “‘my’ style.” Because “Umbrella-ella-ella” really requires someone who can shred. I’d almost have more respect for him if he just said “The Extreme reunion tour didn’t pay as well as I hoped and I got rent to pay.”

The announcement follows Bettencourt’s cameo on How I Met Your Mother, which is being called “the best show on television” by people who can’t find their remote and are too lazy to change the channel manually.

Alas, Nuno isn’t the first hard rocker to make a buck playing with Chris Brown’s punching bag. As part of his ongoing campaign to piss his fans’ mouths and laugh about it, Slash will be on the new Rihanna’s new album, and on a song called “Rockstar 101” no less – just because he wanted to make it sting that much more I suppose. And, oh yeah, Richard Fortus – who played in the Slash-less version of GN’R – was her touring guitarist on her last trek. I’m assuming he’s been replaced now by Nuno because Guns are finally going on tour fourteen months after the release of Chinese Democracy.

I asked my GN’R posse if anyone could help me find a video of Fortus playing with Rihanna, and someone sent me this. I can’t actually see if that’s Fortus playing guitar, but the guy playing guitar does stand kinda like Fortus and seems to have the same hair cut, so I’m going to guess that it is.

-AR