ROSIE O’DONNELL SCOURING CRAIGSLIST FOR MEMBERS FOR POST-ATTACK ATTACK! PROJECT

Things just haven’t been the same since Rosie left The View Attack Attack! The world has become a Bill Withers song – it feels colder outside, and the sun seems to be setting earlier than it was just a few weeks ago, as though it can’t even be bothered to shine. Life without the classic Attack Attack! lineup that changed the face of metal – nay, music itself – forever just barely seems worth living.

Luckily, Rosie promised “I will be starting something new soon,” and while we all assumed that this “something new” would be another gay cruise for HBO to inexplicably broadcast, Sergeant D at Stuff You Will Hate (by way of Weedsteeler) has discovered that Rosie has posted an ad on Craigslist looking for recruits for a new band. I’m not entirely sure how anyone knows that this posting is by Rosie, but I trust the investigative reporting skills of my fellow bloggers.

Here’s the posting:

The Sarge ponders what the difference is between an EPIC SCREAMO band and a regular screamo band, but I’d assume that anything involving anyone who had a hand in the creation of “Icky Icky” or whatever it’s called would automatically be EPIC. Clearly, if we have a chance of creating an aural revolution on the scale of the original Attack Attack!, then this is it.

I am glad that Rosie is paying extra-special attention to making sure that the other musicians in her band have no just the “right talent,” but also the “image” necessary to start a truly EPIC band. Because, as we all know, when it comes to crabcore, image is everything. ‘Cause if you can’t throw the guitar behind your back and then jump just as the breakdown starts, who’s ever gonna give a shit about the music, right?

-AR