NEED ROMANTIC ADVICE? ASK RICH HALLFORD!

Do you need dating advice? Having troubles with your girlfriend, or boyfriend? Wondering why that cute Goth chick at the mall won’t fuck you, or why your man can only get it up when music featuring the guitar work of Tripp Eisen is playing? Or maybe you’re worried that you masturbate too much while listening to Cannibal Corpse, or that you’re a little too turned on by the cover of Look What the Cat Dragged In? Rich Hallford, the Sensei of Pussei, is here to answer all your romantic queries. Just send an e-mail to hallford AT metalsucks DOT net, and your question may be answered in a future edition of “Rob Halford Doesn’t Like Girls, But Rich Hallford Does!” So what are you waiting for? Your life isn’t just going to sort itself out on its own!