I WAS SO HAPPY ABOUT BEING IN REMISSION, UNTIL MY OSBOURNES CAME BACK

”The most beautiful words in the English language aren’t ‘I love you’ but ‘It’s benign.’ ”
–Deconstructing Harry

The Osbournes: Reloaded variety show got cancelled after like half an episode, Sharon literally can’t give away tickets to Ozzfest anymore, and the only times the singer makes headlines anymore are when he’s suing someone or getting a new guitarist. Why the fucking fuck would anyone want to get into the Ozzy business right now?

Ask MTV. According to Dan Rodriguez at Metal Insider, their famed reality show, The Osbournes, is coming back, “this time focusing mostly on Kelly and her bizarre, 19 year-old, Powder-esque shithead of a fiancee.”

Is there really an audience for this anymore? I can’t imagine many metalheads would still watch this show.

I also can’t imagine anyone gives a fuck about Kelly Osbourne. Everyone who ever made the mistake of thinking Kelly is cool made said mistake based on the original Osbournes show, but that was already like seven years ago, which means that everyone who ever made the mistake of thinking Kelly is cool is now either a) above the age of twelve or b) dead.

Still, the world we live in is just sucky enough that I could see this turning into a hit (again), because, y’know, fuck me.

-AR