“PAR-TAY! PIZZA PAR-TAY!”

There is no news this year I have been as happy to report as this.

All of the bands on this summer’s Conquer & Curse tour – Goatwhore, Abysmal Dawn, Daath, Abigail Williams and SWWAATS (I’m way too lazy to type out their full name, even if I could have totally typed out their full name in the time it took me to write about how I’m too lazy to type out their full name) – are having a pizza party at Criminal Records in Atlanta this Wednesday, June 24, at 6 p.m.

And Goatwhore’s Ben Falgoust is the DJ.

Of course, this is all promotional – the tour kicks off that night at The Deathtrap Masquerade, and they’ll be giving away a pair of free tickets at the pizza party.

But really, I can’t imagine anything more fun than a heavy metal pizza party. Why oh why did I not do that for my birthday this year? I am definitely doing it next year. Fuck, I might just do it now because it’s such an outrageously in-fucking-credible game changer of an idea that’s let just fucking do it already. BYOP.

If you live in or near the ATL (Can I say “the ATL” now that I’ve spent 48 hours there?), fucking go to this. Leave work early if you have to. Give Eyal Levi’s beard a big ol’ tug and reassure him that he’s not going to perish in some horrible accident. Let 21 Albums panelist know Charles Elliott how you feel about the list. Listen to Ben Falgoust “spin.” If you smoke some purp before you get there, the pizza will be that much more delicious.

Get more info on the shindig here. And if you don’t live near Atlanta but wanna see the tour anyway, get tour dates here.

Also, I wanna have the new Goatwhore album’s baby.

-AR